Sitting in the cold living room in my usual morning routine. I am writing, using a small tablet, smoking weed, cigarettes, drinking coffee.
Cellphone rings and I begrudgingly get up to find my coat and reach into the pocket for it. I am already thinking it will be a bill collector and I will not answer it, but it’s a local number so I pick it up. A very forward, warm and vaguely digitised woman’s voice greets me with, “Hello, blah blah blah free cruise, blah blah, ok?”  I am not sure if it’s a real person and all of the voices in my head are screaming at me to hang up but I decide to test it. I do not immediately respond, so as to allow the recording to keep playing if that is what it in fact is. Then I just mutter, “Yeah.”
The woman responds, “Great, blah blah blah, free cruise, blah, We are trying to create word of mouth, tell your family, blah, blah, ok?”  The pitch actually sounds reasonable.  They might give away a ticket here and there for word of mouth, but I would only be interested in such a thing for the benefit of my son and I would hate to have to pay for an obnoxious hotel experience that you can’t even leave due to the never-ending moat that surrounds it.  I’m still thinking there must be some catch so after waiting a couple beats again, I finally say, “So what is it like a ‘cruise for one’ or something?”
The woman’s voice immediately answers, “Thank you! Now allow me to take down some of your inf”, click.


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